Justice is served

Yep,
They voted that dumbass Rod Blagojevich out of office. This link says it all:
http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Rod_Blagojevich

Check it out. This guy is beyond an ass.

Rock out.

Education

Folks,
Today I want to talk about our education system in this country. I know we have more immediate concerns... that we are leveraged to the hilt and the economy is still in the crapper. The US is like a 21-year old alcoholic, sitting at a craps table with credit cards maxed out. China is the casino. But I'm not quite sure if the problem with education is really about the schools themselves. Everyone likes to blame the teachers, the schools system, the funding. Need a throat to choke. There's only so much teaching you can do to a pack of sugar-fed spoiled entitlement culture kids. And you know where I'm heading. It's not just our advertising-based society. Can't blame the advertisers for being effective at pushing crap to people that they don't need. That's their JOB. It's those overworked parents who work harder to make a few more bucks to buy a few more things to shut their kids up which only makes them want more. More i-pods, Wii's, PS3s. More HDTVs, blue-rays, laptops. More Abercrombie, Hollister, Aeropostale. More electronic babysitters. I'll tell you when I started paying attention to the presidential election this past year. The Obama campaign clued into a note that was struck by a speech he made while campaigning in the primaries : “It’s not good enough for you to say to your child, ‘Do good in school,’ and then when that child comes home, you got the TV set on, you got the radio on, you don’t check their homework, there is not a book in the house, you’ve got the video game playing.” Damn straight man. Rock out.

Those dumb hair removal ads

Now I've heard women say they need some kind of miracle surgical hair removal, or else they have to pluck, shave or wax some part of their body. And as a guy who tends to get a five o'clock shadow by around noon, I started thinking Do guys actually consider this as an alternative to shaving? Especially those high-performing corporate types that can use the extra five minutes to cook up some big deals, fire some people and shmooze with some politicians. But then I thought, no, even these guys bypass this obvious time-saver. Why? It's simple. Growing facial hair, while sometimes inconvenient, tells us we are men. Shaving is a daily ritual rite of passage. As young boys, we were denied this right, just as we were denied our dad's stack of playboys, smokes, booze, and other guilty pleasures (although we may have snuck into these). When we became men, the last thing on our minds is eliminating that raw, sometimes gorilla-like appearance that reminds us who we are. If I ever get lost in a jungle for a week, and have to rig a shelter, and bow and arrow for hunting, I want to at least have a little beard when I make it to civilization.

Entrapment

Hey guys, let's talk about entrapment. No, not the movie although that is a good movie. I'm talking about a particular situation involving your girlfriend, wife, etc.
Per Wikipedia, Entrapment is the act of a law enforcement agent inducing a person to commit an offence which the person would otherwise have been unlikely to commit. Now I'm not talking about major offences here, just those sticky little situations. The most common is when your female counterpart asks one of those Catch-22 questions. A good example of one of these is, "Are my boobs too small?" or "Do you wish my ass were smaller?" These questions are never good for relationships. But here's how you handle them. Go to your mirror and practice saying this, "No! Honey, you are the perfect woman. Why mess with perfection?" Practice it enough to get rid of the awkward pause. Practice it in the context of clothes, body parts, or any other attribute she might throw at you. It must be quick and sincere. No stumbles, or Freudian slips. An even trickier act of entrapment is when she asks your opinion on another woman. Now no matter how attractive that other woman is, do not fall for this. Again, the practice. Here, your response is more like "No way, doesn't interest me at all, now, where were we?" The purpose of your automatic reply here is to quickly dismiss the suggestion that you are interested in her competitor and escape the trap. A pause or too detailed of a response will surely hang you on this one. Now get to practicing. Rock out.

Chili

Let's talk chili. Now I've been to some chili cook-offs, and the disturbing trend is that people have expanded the definition beyond all reason. You can't combine soy cubes, beans and alfredo sauce and call it chili. That's false advertising. It's like grabbing the hood ornament off a Bentley to put on your ragged out Cutlass. It's still a ragged out Cutlass. My primary rule for chili is that it must contain the following: meat, chili powder, salt. Beyond that, there are many recommended ingredients, but I don't want to give away any winning recipes just yet. Now here are some things that chili should not contain: rice, soy cubes, noodles, mayonnaise. It's ok to cook something inedible and keep it to yourself. Just don't call it chili.

All you can eat pancakes?

Hi readers,

I want to talk about a recent experience I had while dining at a well established pancake restaurant. The special was "all you can eat pancakes." This seems like a fair deal, after all, the price is very reasonable. And it is a good deal, but you have set expectations when you order this. Here's the tactic. The pancakes generally come with some sides, like flavorless eggs and puny slices of bacon. And on the first serving, they bring you... TWO pancakes. Now there are probably a lot of individuals that stop after the first two, given the long wait and the expectation that you will have to wait again if you want any more. And granted they are pretty big, so you will not be really hungry after eating these. But that's missing the point. They say "all you can eat."

I have certainly been around the "all you can eat" block and was familiar with their tactics, so I was prepared to make my voice heard. Start by setting the expectation that you will need more early in the meal. The reliance on the waitress to return is a key factor on these deals. Always be polite and establish a rapport. It helps if you add something like, "I know how busy you are," even if you are the only customer in the restaurant. Waitresses/waiters always seem to be busy.

On this particular occasion, I wasn't feeling as hungry as usual, and so I asked if I could have ONE more pancake as I had done the good deed of cleaning my plate.

The waitress must have thought that I was being a pest or that I was going to torture her by asking for one more pancake several times. When she returned, she set down a stack of FIVE big pancakes. Well, of course, I sent her back to get me a to-go box.

Here's a suggestion to improve this all you can eat experience. I call it the two-minute warning. The customer has a device with buttons for 1, 2, or 3 additional pancakes. When the button is pressed, a two-minute clock is started, alerting the staff to provide the requisite number of pancakes. I mean let's modernize a bit. I'm not asking for a conveyor or vacuum tube to shoot the pancakes in one of those little cylinders, although... that would be cool. Rock out.

Sports

Hey all you sports fans,
Today I want to talk about sports etiquette. And no, not the Miss Manners rules of arranging your silverware. I'm talking about when a buddy invites you over to watch a game on his new big screen TV. Just a few rules to observe.

1) Show up on time. That does not mean an hour early. Unless it's the Super Bowl.
2) Bring beer. I know some of you are wine or liquor drinkers, or "on the wagon". Just bring it.
3) If you do drink beer, bring enough for at least two people. The rudest thing in the world is to be a guest and only serve yourself.
4) Bring small bills for pizza ordering. Don't pull the crap of how you never carry cash, only credit cards for everything. No one cares about your credit card points for free gear at the Bass Pro Shop. Get cash.
5) If you miss a big play because you were in the bathroom, do not ask everyone to recount what happened. Chances are they will show a replay. If they don't, you can bet someone will feel compelled to re-enact the play.
6) If you get up to get a beer (assuming you do not have a cooler strategically located), ask if anyone else would like one. It's called courtesy. Learn it.

Well, I'll let you get back to you pregame analysis shows. Go SPURS!

Today I want to talk about gender-specific marketing. I've noticed lately that a lot of advertising on television geared toward women seems to also include the ape-like bumbling husband or boyfriend that just "doesn't get it." Make no mistake that this mildly entertaining tactic is no different than any other ridiculous play at... that's right your (if you are female) EGO. Yes, for men the marketers can grab your inflated self-love by tapping simple carnal desires (girls, greasy food, alcohol, horsepower) or by challenging your manhood. For women, the subtle difference is that marketers have to appeal to your ego on a "relational" basis. And what better way in a 30-second spot than to have a drooling cretin to compare you to. YOU are rational and will buy this product. HE is a moron and does not even know about it. It seems then that women are more prone to appreciate compliments to their intelligence, judgment and wisdom. Or maybe the marketers know that many purchases that generally support family welfare or comfort MUST be left up to the women. Because, to some degree they are right. Why do we need "matching" towels and rugs? Why do we need two comforters, and fifteen pillows on the bed? Why do we need a variety of flavorings to add to our coffee when we are barely awake enough to pour it into a cup? I just don't get it...

Cutting costs versus being cheap

Hey all you consumers,
You've all heard the expression "The customer is always right." And I just don't think that companies believe that anymore. It was a fad. Take cost-cutting. Yes the economy is in the crapper right now. Yes the bottom line is probably red. But just how much is Chik-Fil-A saving by replacing the packaged salsa with that faky vinegar hot sauce? And how much is the post office saving by pissing its customers off by not having pens around? What ever happened to those chains they could attach if they were so worried that theft of $0.05 pens was going to become an epidemic? And one of the dumbest policies has to be that of Panda Express. No free napkins unless you make the customer ask for them. Then give the chump one napkin and see how much he is willing to humiliate himself to make a scene to get a few more. C'mon, people. Round my rice bowl up the extra 5 cents already and throw in the napkin. Oh, that's BAAAD for the environment. It takes TREES to make napkins. Well, you know what. It takes trees to print all those stupid-ass coupons they "give" you with your receipt at the grocery store, but you don't see them cutting down on those, no sir. Well this consumer say NO MORE to cost cutting that goes beyond the reasonable. In the immortal words of Spongebob, "Don't you get it, you crustaceous cheapskate?" Just my thoughts.

Value in action

Hey all you dedicated workers -- those that trade their efforts, physical and mental, for money to survive and thrive. I've been thinking about the value we get in return for all that. We usually measure it in terms of dollars and cents and the equivalent materials and services that we can purchase with it. A lucky few, relatively speaking, can also measure the return on their contribution in human terms, that is, live affected in some way by their efforts. The obvious professions come to mind: doctors, rescue workers, teachers, community leaders. But it's not just what you do in the working day that has this kind of value. We touch people's lives in small and large ways with every interaction. Comforting a child, calling a friend who is hurting, helping a neighbor move a couch -- the sum of these makes a difference. But on the flipside, the things we do can make a negative difference. It's easy to turn a cold shoulder to those that we do not care for, especially those who we feel have wronged us. Once we put up that self-protecting skin, we close ourselves to the possibility that we are MORE needed by these people than by our dear ones. Just a thought...