The recession is not working

The recession is not doing its job. Now what, you may ask, is the job of a recession? Is it some Darwinian device in a market economy to kill off weak companies and products? Maybe... but that's not what I'm talking about. The job of which I speak is that of PARENT. Huh??? You crazy, Rock, you might say. But I'm serious. Kids these days are feeling ENTITLED to everything from video games, designer clothes, cell phones, you name it. No need to get off their lazy butts and achieve anything. And these busy parents are off buying this stuff. But what will these kids do when the gravy train is gone? Daddy wouldn't take the party funds away, but the wreakonomy will! Mommy wouldn't cut off the cell phone minutes, but uncle Rex-cession will!

If it ain't broke...

An old buddy of mine, let's call him Raul the fork truck driver, has an expression that is especially relevant to these troubled economic times. "If it ain't broke, break it." This sounds a bit counter intuitive and I know the connection is not immediate here, but trust me, you're gonna get this. The economy is dependent on the flow of money, products and services. When things spiral downhill, people buy less products and services. Companies cut costs, people lose jobs. People then can buy even less products and services. And so on. To prevent and get out of death spirals like this, something needs to stimulate the economy. One approach is to throw some money and see how much it will spin the wheels. Sort of like push-starting an old diesel car. Pop the clutch and the engine may kick in. Another way to look at it is to stimulate the "demand" side. Yep. hard to do with broke, scared, or stingy people. "Break it." In this case, break the comfort people have battening down the hatches. Give them a reason not to want something, but to need it. No, I'm not talking about a stupid TV converter. No one needs to see commercial-laden programming like the Tyra Banks show. But how can we convince people they need to buy something? Certainly not by getting nerdy spokespeople to lecture us on how we can save the planet. Tell people their DOG will die if they don't go buy some doggie health food right away. Tell them they will get a serious illness if they don't immediately go to their local bar and have a few drinks. Tell them their kids will become parent abusers if they don't immediately enroll them in gymnastics, swimming, or whatever. It's broke. Now go fix it. That'll get the money flowing. Rock out.

What race are you?

Hey y'all. I a little tired of telephone surveyors trying to collect information, and especially when they ask my race. Here's how I deal with them.
Caller: "My name is Mike. I am conducting a marketing research study. Are you at least 18 years of age?"
Rock: "I sure hope so. If not I shouldn't be drinking this 40. (belches)
Caller: "What race would you say you are, Anglo, Black or African, Asian, Hispanic, or Other?"
Rock: "I don't know, what race would YOU say I am?"
Caller: "I don't know, sir,"
Rock: "What race are you? You have my phone number. Can I have yours?"
Caller: "Sir, I am working for and I collecting marketing information to help companies deliver better products and services..."
Rock: "So you need to know what race I am? What products are your clients trying to target to me and my (mumble indiscernably) family? "
Caller: "I'm sorry, sir, did you that you are Anglo?"
Rock: "What??? What are you, a racist? What's the matter, was I 'talking white'?"
Caller: "No, no sir. I'm sorry. So then you are black?"
Rock: "I think you best move on to the next question."
Caller: "How likely are you to watch the following TV shows on a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being very likely and 1 being not at all likely: First, 'American Idol.'"
Rock: "Zero, next question."
Caller: "Sir, it's a scale of one to five."
Rock: "I don't care about your scale."
Caller: "OK, next 'Desperate Housewives.'"
Rock. "Zero. "
Caller: "I have to use a scale of one to five."
Rock: "OK, how would you rate this TV show: 'Death of a telemarketer?'"
Caller: "Sir, please... Can we continue?"
Rock: "Oh... Can we? Pleeease? I'll give you a swig of my 40."
Caller: "The next program: Big Brother."
Rock: "Oh, yeah.... Is that the show where the guys with spandex fly around in a spaceship?"
Caller: "No sir, this is a reality show."
Rock: "You mean that was a real spaceship? I swear a couple of times it looked like a toy. I mean you can see the strings and everything."
Caller: "No, you are confused. "
Rock: "I'm sorry, what did you say your name is?"
Caller: "Mike. So let's move on..."
Rock: "He won't eat it. Let's get Mikey. Step up to the Mike. Be Like Mike. " (mumbling followed by snoring)
Caller: "Sir, are you still there?"
Rock: (still snoring... mumbles.) "who said that?"
Caller: "Sir, can we continue?"
Rock: "Ma, is that you? Ma?? "
Caller: "Sir. This is Mike with . "
Rock: "Ma, why? Why did you drive your wheelchair into that volcano?"
(click. dial tone.)

Copy and paste uniqueness

I just heard that Joe Satriani (the guitarist for those who do not know) is planning to sue Coldplay (the soft-rock band whose lead singer Chris Martin is married to Gwyneth Paltrow) for a song in which the guitar riff is amazingly similar to a Satriani song. I'd have to say that this is one area where it seems ambiguous as to how to define originality. Guitar riffs seem recycled all across the many generations of rock, and even into punk, country, pop etc. You can even extrapolate that into snippets of piano or any other melody used. And unless the two songs are contemporary competitors (released at around the same time) then the whole lawsuit thing is just a publicity stunt. I'd have to say there is probably rampant copying, recycling and reprocessing in the music business. It's hard to find anything that is truly "original". You've got "sampling" and "mixing" in the hip-hop world, that by definition use the work of other musicians. You've got artists recording "covers", "tributes", "re-releases". Why? Well I for one will admit that it is certainly more efficient to peddle a known commodity than to gamble on something new. It's the McDonalds syndrome. No matter how generic or inferior, it is predictable and ubiquitous. The bean-counters are better able to project the profit margin. Even musicians that start their career outside the mainstream usually end up sacrificing uniqueness to appeal to a broader audience with a shorter attention span. So how do you foster creativity and innovation? Instead of buying the pick of the week from iTunes, search blogs and other informal sources. Find the local music scene in your area. Talk to the unsigned bands about music they recommend. Your ears will thank you. Rock out.

Patience R.I.P.

In this instant gratification society, with mobile banking, satellite radio (so we don't have to wait for commercials), drive thru everything, microwave food, home delivery, TiVo, on-demand movies, the concept of patience has no home. In fact, I'd say it's been homeless and missing so long that it should be presumed dead.

Take the age-old practice of fishing. No, not the professional kind. Just the take-the-kids-to-the-pond activity. This is supposed to be relaxing, and above all FUN. But how do you convince kids to peel themselves away from their playstations long enough? And even if the go, how do you keep them from dragging along their "DS" or if they're a bit older, their mobile phones? And the kicker - how do you teach the lesson that untangling a line with a $2.00 lure is worthwhile even though you can buy another just like it at Walmart? I took the kids out on such an excursion recently, and I have to say it was eye-opening. There were no fish being caught, either due to the time of day, or the location and desires of the fish did not coincide with our plans. Their interest in rigging the line and casting quickly diminished and was replaced by a rock chucking competition, some sword-fighting with driftwood and some mud-splashing. But in their defense, this was one of those rare weekends when I could peel myself away from my express-brewed coffee and laptop long enough to take them to the pond. Maybe I'll try building a campfire with them next time. Just need my instant light logs and pre-bundled firewood. Oh, and pre-skewered marshmallows. Rock out.

Rock's Super Bowl Tea

For all y'all who don't know what to drink at the superbowl:

Rock's Super bowl tea:
fill pint glass with ice then add
1 shot tequila blanco (100% Agave)
1 shot bourbon (sour mash)
1 shot dark rum
1 and 1/2 shots red bull
1/2 shot cola
Wedge of lime

Enjoy...